[ hold :: this space ]

Today i’m doing what i normally do the day after flying in from london - having dithery, inarticulate conversations with friends, and looking at the clock trying to calculate the earliest i can go back to bed - too early and i’ll be awake again at 3am, too late and the next wave of adrenalin will kick in so i’m still awake at 3am.

Which I was this morning for a few hours. I read some blogs: Pete’s been writing about secular and sacred space, which adds a new dimension to stuff i’ve talked about here before, and i need to read it again at a slightly less vagued moment. I need to go back to read his stuff about an interventionist God too… i’m more with nick cave than pete on this one, i think… I loved Mark Berry’s meditation spaces too. I’m so impressed by what he and his community are doing.

I also started thinking about networking, sparked by a conversation with jonny baker this week (thanks so much to the Baker’s for their fabulous hospitality). I wonder if the time is ripe for some intentional network of alt worship stuff in australia. There are excellent emerging church networks throughout the country, but nothing that really focusses on new forms of worship. There’s the potential for something to begin with the nosh in October (heads up that steve collins is coming out in just a couple of weeks to be part of that - when i’m back in the office i’ll put up stuff about his visit…), but that will only be with a small number of people. let me know if you’d like to be part of some intentional network, and we’ll start thinking together about how to make that happen, and what the networking might involve.

And, also inspired by a conversation with jonny, i started to brainstorm options for writing and / or studying again. This is the first year i’ve not done any writing or studying outside of work. it’s been lovely to have time for a life again, but i’ve missed the stimulation. I’m wondering whether to think about a PhD, working on stuff to do with the relationship between intuition and organisational change (which i touched the edges of while studying for my masters), or whether to start some more deliberate writing (about what, i do not know), or whether to study part time to be a landscape gardener…

Then i spent an hour wandering around the Duke Special website, which Pete Rollins put me onto. Pete Wilson, the guy behind Duke Special, has been connected with Ikon, and his music is fantastic - damn fine piano, beautiful lyrics and singing, dreadlocks (I admire all who have dreadlocks because i know that my hair is one unwashed day away from joining them).

as i wrote this, a friend dropped in with some wine, food and herbal tea (all to aid recovery from jetlag)… and a jar of red dirt from the centre of australia. i’ll be off line for the next few days while i run my fingers through the dirt and ground myself again. i’m back in the office monday. If you’ve sent emails to my work address over the last couple of weeks i’ve been able to read them but not reply. They’ve got a new server at work, and my computer needs to be reconfigured to work remotely… i’ll reply as soon as i can.

[I’m a really bad traveller. I don’t want to see things, I just like hanging out in different places… finding my way to some corner that feels like home in some new part of the world. I’m happy to stay there for weeks, once I find it. I’ve seen some of the most remarkable sights in the world, and I’ve loved them. But truly, when I’m travelling, what I love most is finding some spot where I look out on the world as it passes by, and where it soaks in to me… and when so much of travelling is about having the opportunity to be someone else, to reinvent, I know I’ve found a space like home when I know I want to be me here…]

So, I’m in Belfast… last night I had a drink with a few of the Ikon people. These are some unfinished thoughts… (at some point I’ll start finishing the unfinished thoughts from this trip!)

What I’ve been discovering about Ikon over the last few weeks is that it throws pretty much everything into question. While nothing about it can be clearly defined or articulated, that doesn’t mean, in any way, that it’s something vague. There simply isn’t the language yet to make sense of it – worship, community, solidarity, values, beliefs, leadership, faith, atheism, religion all have to be redefined in this context. Much of the conversation last night revolved around “well, it’s like…, but not really”.

[Ikon are homeless at the moment – the Menagerie Bar, which has been home for the last few years, is currently unavailable… let the idea of a monthly homeless gathering of about 50 people roll around in your head for a while, see where it takes you…]

It’s so tempting, when seeing something as remarkable as Ikon, to try to copy it or find the secrets to its success. There are so many points of connection with the Melbourne context, and I have such a strong urge to try to replicate what they’re doing. it would also fail dismally - Ikon is an expression of the unique, extraordinary faith journeys of the people involved. Which means that it’s deeply personal, startlingly fragile and strangely resilient.

Ikon didn’t begin with the idea of being a worshipping community. It began as a vehicle to express / search for faith.

I had the feeling on my way home last night that coming close to Ikon is coming close to something grand – not that they are what’s grand, or that they’re doing anything particularly fantastic (they are, of course, but it’s always a relief to get behind the gloss of gorgeous websites, and to hear the very human stories that lie there), but it’s unmistakeably obvious that they have found a way to make a space on the edge of the vast and endless sea… and they’ve done so with a generosity, graciousness and humility which means there’s the invitation and space to go and stand alongside them too.

i’ve just posted some photos from kubik up onto flickr

they’re of the cafe space, community, and post-worship wind-down.

[apparently the links to the photos from the Easter worship - Dead Man Waiting - aren't working. sorry... i'll fix them later this week]

If it’s Friday (is it Friday?) i must be in Belfast. It’s grungy and grotty and very likeable…

Caught up with Pete Rollins last night. I’m not sure how many of the Australian readers of this blog are aged between 16 and 30, but if you are, Pete’s speaking at NCYC in Perth in January. He was talking a little bit last night about what he’s thinking of for NCYC, and it sounds fantastic. After that he’s coming to Melbourne for a week, and we’ll be doing some alternative alternative worship stuff. There’ll be more info about that up here soon.

(here’s more information about ncyc.)

Jools and I are off up country for a couple of days before coming back on Sunday when i’ll be catching up with some more Ikon people… it’s all good.

My head’s spinning with stuff from last night’s conversation. I really need to sit down and write some of it out (i never know what i’m thinking until i write it…). Next week…

what does it say about me that schwarzwalder kirschtorte were the only new words of German I learnt over my two days there?

I’m writing this in Paris - I’ll write more about Kubik a little later on (when there aren’t so many galleries to be seen and crepes to be eaten)… enough to say at the moment that it was one of the most inspiring churches I’ve been to.

thanks to Mark, Nadine, Noah and Meo for their extraordinary hospitality and generosity. I’m very much looking forward to coming back. Meo is 4 weeks old. I slept through two nights of him screaming… and still Mark and Nadine managed to get up each morning, smile at me, produce an amazing breakfast and engage in intelligent conversation in a foreign language. They are very impressive.

This was the call and blessing from worship on Friday night in Kubik… it was said in Germany, not English.

Call

If we have come here just to sing hymns, or to look for comfort
then our worship is empty
for our true worship is to long for the world to be changed

if we have come here just to be confirmed in our beliefs
then our worship is empty
for our true worship is to come face to face with the indefinable mystery of God

if we have come here because we think this is the duty for all good Christians
then our worship is empty
for our true worship is to live, every day, with justice mercy and hope

we come here tonight to join our heartbeat to God’s…
to become part of the great story of God’s love for the world.

let us worship God: Creator, Redeemer and Sustainer

(Sigur Ros “Glosoli” film clip)

Gathering ritual

We are here tonight because we have heard a drumbeat that has given us the vision to believe we might fly…

but we are here not just to worship for ourselves.

we are also here on behalf of those who are no longer able to hear the drumbeat…
on behalf of those who have grown tired of waiting for hope
on behalf of those who have no voice to ask for justice
on behalf of those who have no heart to seek for peace
on behalf of those who have no reason to believe in love

Who are the people in the world, what are the situations and places that you would like to be present with us in spirit as we worship tonight?

Write them onto your hand with a pen.
Hold your hand in the air.

[During the worship – which mostly consisted of me talking, Johannes translating (there’s an experience!), and people discussing – people were invited to put a pinch of coloured salts into bowls of water on their tables every time they heard something that was a reminder or hint of God, or when they were challenged or provoked by something.]

Blessing

Tonight, we have been adding our beliefs and thoughts to the bowls of water on the tables. the water now holds something of the faith of each of us here in this room.

If you would like, dip your finger in the bowl of water, and make a sign of the cross on the forehead or wrist of the person sitting next to you. Say the following words to them as you do “Go into the world knowing that there is no place you can go where God will not go with you.’

[a postscript for Sam, Bindy and Jeff... i'm writing this from my hotel in Paris. There's music coming from the bar across the road - at the moment it's "Girls just want to have fun". I need to say that it's not the same without you...]

I just wrote this blethery kind of post about all the stuff i’ve learnt this week, which would be of no consequence to anyone else so i deleted it. Let me just say thanks to Jonny, Ian and Steve - the conversations have been inspiring, finding some of my story echoed in your experiences and wisdom.

someone sent me an email this week asking about the difference between sacred space and worship, and wondering whether i’m being pedantic. i probably am.

My understanding of worship is that it creating a space for an encounter with God that transforms us to live differently in the world - to live in a way that will bring about the realm of God. Worship is only worship if it feeds into the every day worship of living with justice, mercy and humility. worship demands a response. It’s the act of a community, not an individual. In fact, i think it is the central act of the Christian community.

Sacred space strikes me as something very different. It’s purely a moment of grace, a gift. it demands no response. it’s pure evangelism (for both the unconverted and unconverted?), although i don’t think it necessarily demands that God is named for it to be a moment of grace. I don’t think it’s pre-worship, and it’s not inferior to worship. I think it stands, rightly, on its own, as something quite different and just as important.

Does that make sense? I don’t think they’re false distinctions. correct me if i’m wrong…

Going here tomorrow. Wish i’d paid more attention in german classes. I can only remember how to count to ten, and I suspect that will be no help. ach.

- written on a placard at the ‘protest’ at the entrance to the ikon worship

as i said in the last post, one of the great things about being over in the uk is that the conversation about alt worship is in a very different place here. one doesn’t have to explain or justify alt worship. that leaves space for all sorts of other conversations.

the stuff that’s most persistently ringing through my head at the moment is how much does alt worship get compromised when it tries to be redemptive for the existing church. i’m not sure we can be both safe for those most on the edge of faith, and those within the church (i’m not sure i agree with that paragraph yet, but i want to stay with it a while).
it’s come through most clearly in conversation with a few people this week about the ikon worship at greenbelt. often the conversations this week have begun ‘it wasn’t worship because…’. pete explains some of the thinking behind the service on his website - if i could leave a comment on his site, i’d say that the worship wasn’t there for those who needed to understand that. what matters is that a handful of people would have recognised themselves and God in that time, like nowhere else at greenbelt (indeed, like nowhere else at all). for those people - who might describe themselves as people of faith or not - this was home. i don’t care whether we call that worship or sacred space or performance art or theodrama or whatever. i just care that it’s there. and one day i hope the church will stop discussing its veracity, or debating its authenticity, and simply let it be.

to be honest, i’m not sure that i agree with this whole post, but maybe what i’m trying to say is that when we try to do both - to create a space that’s both worship for the ‘churched’, and sacred and safe for those who have no faith - we inevitably end up selling out the least vocal party in the conversation… which is rarely the church.

it was a very good greenbelt. jonny writes about it here, mark here.

i only have a moment - i’m staying with friends in a little village just outside of oxford, so i’m limiting my time on the internet in order to stay friends with them - but just a couple of reflections…

there was so much that was brilliant about greenbelt - the Ikon worship, the saturation of art and clever interactive spaces around the venue, listening to shane claiborne, pete rollins and kester brewin. one of the most serendipitous moments i had was finding myself in a room listneing to a panel of people from india, nicaragua, palestine and south africa, talking about liberation theology - stunning. i loved meeting the people who exist behind emails and websites - mark, pete, ben and the old vaux-ers - and discovering they have stuff to tell that’s really helpful to hear, and reconnecting with old friends again (too many to list)…

it was a relief to be in a place where i didn’t have to explain what alternative worship was at the start of every conversation…

a couple of things to think about more…

• how much does community matter? is it an essential partner to worship or sacred space, or can it be unhelpful for some people. i’m looking forward to talking more to the ikon people about this in belfast in a couple of weeks (the ikon context seems to resonate most closely with where most of the stuff i’m doing is at)
• what’s the distinction and connection between worship and sacred space? i think that being clearer about this would stop a lot of angst…

it’s too hard to describe the ikon worship, all the words i type don’t do it justice. but the song at the end, which padraig sang while kneeling on the side of the stage, had to be my best 5 minutes at greenbelt. ‘i’ve found my home in babylon… in exile’. there was indescribable comfort in that.

thanks to those who put so much time into it, and made it look effortless - especially to those who ran the new forms cafe (and who let me speak!).

i’m back in london tomorrow for a few more days, seeing all the people that there was only time for a quick conversation with at greenbelt - jonny, steve, ian, etc. Then it’s germany, paris and belfast…

it’s a funny thing, going to a christian event and knowing only three people… greenbelt is the only event at which i’ve ever done that. i’ve always been one of the ones who knows people - only because i’ve been around forever. of course, as a shy introvert, that can sometimes be a challenge… and because i’m a shy introvert, my natural preference at greenbelt would probably be to slip under the radar and just watch (which i love doing - don’t feel sorry for me!), but there are some fairly clear expectations from my employing body which make that impossible!

the hospitality and welcome from people, even before getting to Greenbelt, has been quite overwhelming… my phone is full of numbers of people to ring for drinks, meals, tea, etc. and it will be so lovely to be doing it all with Taryn, who will be a familiar australian accent in the midst of it all.

it’s a healthy reminder of how daunting and intimidating it can be to go somewhere unknown (and of what it costs people to do that) … and that hospitality is as simple as an email, out of the blue, saying ‘we’ll be at the tiny tea tent at 5.30 tonight’.

i spent yesterday morning at part of Bill Viola’s current exhibition… i was mesmerised by the video of the woman walking towards camera from far off in the horizon until all you can see is the fabric of her black robes … I also loved his sketches with poetry. jonny has written about this much better than i could. it was a thin place, simultaneously transcendent and immanent (I wonder why we treat those as opposites?).

i spent the afternoon with Sophie, an old friend from Melbourne, visiting the Word into Art exhibition - artists of the Modern Middle East – in the British Museum. The artwork was a glorious interweaving of poetry and art. it was a tiny glimpse of an evocative and rich culture that I know barely nothing of. the piece on the left is by Hassan Massoudy. it says, “I follow the religion of love”, taken from the poetry of Ibn ‘Arabi, written in 1240.

The two exhibitions were very similar in many ways. both speaking of fragility and resilience, both describing thin places and creating them as they did. which describes exactly what we try to do in alternative worship (and maybe other forms of worship, I’ve learnt I can only speak for alt worship!).

as a side note, it was so lovely to see Sophie. when I was writing about mentoring a few years ago, sophie was the young person I tried my theories out on. I take no credit for how she’s turned out - she was always going to be remarkable. She’s been living in London for the last six months, doing emergency relief teaching. Today she flies out to South Africa, where she will be working in a school in the southern Kalahari. Her intention is to take back all she learns to work in indigenous education and community development back home.

We talked yesterday about church and worship, and where we were both at with it all. we both agreed that we’d reached a point where our faith made more sense to those outside the church than those who were part of it. neither of us wanted to dissect whether that was a good thing or not… it’s just a statement of how it is!

the Tate Modern today, a few final touches on my Greenbelt talk about wild spaces and alternative worship (the nerves are kicking in! I keep remembering how little I know about this!), and then off to greenbelt tomorrow with Taryn.